I practice self-compassion.

I struggle with giving myself compassion that I’m so quick to gift other people. I am a giver. Giving others time, kindness, attention, and encouragement is a big part of who I am. Personality quizzes, birth chart readings, elders, and therapists alike point out my deep sensitivity and empathy towards others.

Something I’ve learned in this PhD program is that I need to give to myself first. Have you read The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein? If you know, you know. If you don’t, it’s a short children’s picture book with valuable lessons. My main takeaway: giving or taking more than you should can lead to unfortunate loss.

When I started graduate school, I feared failure. Call this perfectionism, a narcissistic quality, or a result from years of attributing my self-worth to academic success—regardless, this fear really took a toll on my well-being. One day, towards the end of my first grad school semester, a beloved mentor (Ms. Tambara) called me to check in. I told her everything was falling apart.

“Why?” 

Well, because I had forgotten to write down a deadline! I had been granted an extension but something like that had never happened before and now the professor surely thought I was incompetent and—how could I forget to write it down?! What was wrong with me? How would I ever bounce back from this?! (I know, I know, you get the idea…) She kindly listened while I berated myself for a few minutes before sternly telling me that I had to stop this tendency of being too hard on myself. It was a mistake. “You’re allowed to make mistakes.”, she said. Something changed for me after she said those words. I felt comforted and understood.

“I’m allowed to make mistakes.”, I thought to myself after I turned in the late assignment.  

It is not always easy but it is always important to resist self-criticism when it isn’t constructive. There’s a big difference between acknowledging mistakes and punishing ourselves for them.

We can all do little things each day to practice self-compassion. Affirmations are my favorite! One of my friends (shout-out to Victor!) gave me a deck of affirmation cards. I read one out loud every morning. I also do my best to ensure that I’m following social media accounts that encourage me to be kind to myself. One of my favorite instagram accounts is @littlearthlings Through gentle reminders, this artist inspires self-compassion. 

As you navigate your PhD journey, consider the compassion you give someone you love. Remember that you are worthy of that and more. As Toni Morrison so beautifully expressed, “You your own best thing…”.

Give yourself the compassion you deserve, first.

Con cariño,

Jenesis