When I was an overachieving first-year graduate student, I believed I would graduate from my PhD program in 2020. At the time, 2020 felt so far away. 2020 is here, it’s happening. If everything went according to my plans, I’d be finalizing dissertation edits right now.  My word of the year is inspired by the somewhat-disappointing reality that, nope, I am definitely not graduating this May. 

My word of the year is: grace. Not “grace” as in “the quality of moving in a smooth, relaxed, attractive way” (though I’m always trying to be graceful like Beyoncé) but “grace” as in the infamous hymn “Amaaaazing grace how sweeeeet the souuuund…”

I first became acquainted with this word in church; it was usually presented as something that could only be given to me by God. Just like in the song, grace was something that appeared in the midst of “dangers, toils, and snares” to save me. It was something I did not always deserve but was gifted by God because, well, God is awesome. Most of my memorable stories begin with “By God’s grace…” 

“By God’s grace, I got my driver’s license! 
By God’s grace, I passed my general exam & survived my prospectus presentation! 
By God’s grace, I didn’t get kidnapped in middle school that one time I got a ride from a complete stranger! (I know! I was miles away from school and running late. I’d missed the school bus for the first time ever and this meant I had to walk to campus *no ride-share apps at the time*. I was walking as quickly as possible when someone literally pulled up next to me to offer me a ride [and they did — without being creepy!] But, JESUS! That was not my smartest move!)”

You get the idea. 

Recently, thanks to my daily devotionals (Jesus Calling and Streams in the Desert), I’ve been thinking more and more about our human ability to give grace to others and ourselves. My understanding of grace has grown: grace is not only something I receive from God but it is also something that I can learn to give others and myself. 

Give Others Grace 

Giving others grace means understanding and reminding ourselves that nobody is perfect. If we expect others to be outstanding human beings every single hour of the day, we’ll be inevitably disappointed. This doesn’t mean we tolerate abusive behavior or accommodate toxic traits but it does mean that we do our best to gift people (within and outside of our community) kindness and understanding. We may never know the extent of someone’s suffering or reasons for doing what they do. Even people who are high-functioning and seem totally put together are going through something tough at some point.  Giving others grace will not only be good for others, but also good for you. You’ll save yourself a lot of frustration and disappointment when you give others a chance to explain and assume good intent.

Give Yourself Grace 

Giving ourselves grace goes hand-in-hand with the recent self-care revolution you might find on your insta feed. Giving yourself grace should be your priority. You know yourself better than any other person on this earth ever will. You spend the most time with yourself, your thoughts, and the consequences of your actions. You’re likely harder on yourself than you are with other people. Think and talk about yourself with more kindness. Giving yourself grace can look like acknowledging and forgiving yourself for certain feelings, actions, and circumstances. You won’t always make the right decision, you won’t always present your best-self to the world, you won’t always meet a goal you set for yourself. It’s okay—you are only human. Give yourself grace, get back up, and keep going.

My PhD journey looks nothing like what I envisioned as an overachieving first-year graduate student. Even though 2020 is no longer my expected graduation year, it is the year I finally see the benefits of giving others and myself the grace we need to keep moving forward. 

How can you give a little grace today?

Con cariño,

Jenesis 

p.s. What is your guiding word for 2020?