Dear Hero,
I hope you and your loved ones are doing well.
In my last post, I shared some affirmations that helped me a lot during Los Angeles’ early efforts to slow the spread of COVID-19. Since then, some of my loved ones lost their jobs, beloved businesses closed their doors, and I—like you—am doing my best to stay home and hopeful.
This pandemic has pretty much up and ended any sense of safety or normalcy in the world. I trust that, wherever you are, you’re informed and taking care of yourself and others. Earlier today, I started to journal and thought, “Wow, I’m still not used to writing down the year 2020. I didn’t settle into 2020 before everything, well, un-settled.” I know I’m not alone here. There’s collective grief all around us. But, that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m writing to connect with you over some other collective feelings: hope, courage, and determination. I’m writing this remind you that even though this is tough, you are a hero: you can and will get through to the other side.
I also want to acknowledge that this looks different for each and every one of us. We’re experiencing this differently given circumstances outside our control. There is so much we do not know or fully understand about this. This is inconvenient for some, financially devastating for others, and tragic for many. And yet.
And yet, I am writing to challenge you. I challenge you to push past any negative (though very understandable) feelings. I challenge you to focus your time and energy to connect with what you do know and what you can do. I challenge you to channel your inner-hero. I’m not writing to you as an expert on how to handle this. I’m writing to you as someone who has experienced other disappointing seasons and made it through, just like you. I know that we can be brave and strong (even in the midst of a pandemic)!
You can choose joy. You can choose hope. You can get through this! This is why I’m challenging you.
I challenge you to:
Give Yourself Grace - Trying times will test anyone’s confidence and inner-strength. This doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you are human. It means you are worthy of self-compassion. If you’re in the habit of being mean to yourself (or if feel like you’re developing that habit), now is the time to cut it out. Do not berate yourself for waking up later than you wanted. Do not punish yourself for eating “too much”. Do not call yourself lazy for being less productive than usual. Being mean to yourself is only going to make things worse. Give yourself grace. What does that mean? Well, it helps me to think of it as a process. Giving yourself grace can mean that you:
1. Notice when you’re being mean to yourself, pause, and counter the negative self talk with a more caring and understanding statement. (For example: If you think, “Ugh, I’m the worst for waking up late! I told myself I would wake up earlier!”, consider being more caring towards yourself by thinking something like, “Okay, I woke up late. My body clearly needed the rest and I’ll work better now that I got some more sleep.”)
2. Acknowledge an action or behavior that is not in your best interest (“Hmm…I woke up late because I stayed up way past my usual bedtime watching episode after episode of my new favorite show )
3. Actively remind yourself that you can keep moving forward and take small steps towards doing better (“I’ll set an alarm to remind myself to start unwinding—or watch 1 more episode— I will get ready for bed tech-free to ensure I feel well rested in the morning).Get Up Early - Early mornings are the perfect time for YOU. Early mornings are ideal for crafting a quiet space to do things that fuel your spirit. You can use early mornings as your time to pray, journal, paint, edit photos, meditate, stretch, workout, or read. If you live alone, consider getting up early to spend some time tech-free. This means you start your day by focusing on you before focusing on anything else—before checking the news, before checking your social media feeds, before checking your e-mail, and before rushing into your to-do list. If you’re staying “safer at home” with others, early mornings are a good time to just sit in quiet stillness, to let yourself think or relax before everyone else gets up. Early mornings will also help you prioritize sleep because they’re easier when you’re well-rested. Use early mornings to reflect. I recently read a beautiful, thought-provoking question that I’ve been thinking about during my morning routine, “In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to.”—Dave Hollis
"Act the Way You Want to Feel.” - Gretchen Rubin
Sometimes, you just have to stop waiting for the mood you want to happen and step into it. Want to feel like you have something to look forward to everyday? Shower and dress up (even if its loungewear)! Counter your current mood by doing the opposite. Fight for how you want to feel. This doesn’t mean you don’t allow yourself to feel the way you do, it means you push past it in order to feel better. If you’re feeling down, counter it with doing what you know helps you feel better. For instance, if I’m snuggled in bed and struggling to get up, I counter that by using Mel Robbins’ 5 second rule (counting backwards: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1) and getting out of bed. I play some chill music like “Wake Up” by The Native Sibling while I make the bed and before I know it, I’m ready to start (or restart) the day.Have Fun! - “How can I have fun indoors?” you ask? Here are some ideas:
Curate the most-amazing-the-world-should-listen-to-this playlist: Be the DJ for the party you always dreamed of, for the coffee shop you always wished to sit in, the concert you always wanted to go to, the afterparty you always wanted to host, etc. I miss coffee shops with ALL my heart so I made a “Cozy Coffee House” play list and I’m not staying it’s the answer to all problems but it is GIVING. ME. LIFE.
Themed Video Chats: Change out of your adorably comfy loungewear and dress up for a video call. I recently saw The Hollis Company dress up in Halloween costumes for a work meeting and thought—what a cute idea! You can also choose to have fancy virtual-dinners (or drinks) for a chance to wear your semiformal or formal attire!
Play games: I’m already smiling at this one because I usually tell my friends “I don’t play games!” Video games, board games, (are there other kinds of games?), aren’t really appealing to me BUT after a lot of what can only constitute as “peer pressure”, I’ve participated in games like “Exploding Kittens”, “Apples to Apples”, “What Do You Meme?”, and (my favorite, really adorable game) “Ghost Blitz”.
Move your body e v e r y d a y - UGH. I know, I know. “Jen, don’t try to guilt me into working out! That’s just mean!” Nope. No guilt or shame here. I’m not saying you have to do a daily, intensive one-hour+ workout. All I’m encouraging you to do is to move your body for 30 minutes everyday. If it helps, break it up into two fifteen minute blocks, one at the start of your day and one towards the end. Stretch and connect with your body for at least half an hour. If you can, go on a quick walk or try a free-online workout (I do the 30 minute Orangetheory workouts). This may not be your favorite challenge but: do you want to feel less tired and more energized? Then, Move. Your. Body. Pro-tip: dance to a playlist of your favorite jams! If you include Beyonce’s “Mi Gente” from her Homecoming: The Live Album, you’ll definitely dance!
Write a letter - If you have stamps, make someone’s day and write them a letter :) You can write to them about: how you’re holding up, what’s bringing you joy, and what you are most looking forward to when this is over! Snail mail is such a sweet way to make use of this time to let someone know you’re thinking of them. ( *I know* you can also call, text, or video chat but I think a letter is such a special way to connect )
Organize something - Feeling stuck or unmotivated? Organize! Organize your computer files, your pictures, your clothes, your pantry, your fridge, your emails, your schedule, etc. The hardest part is getting started but you’ll feel so accomplished when you’re done!
Dream Big - Dream about the future! Sure, we don’t know when this will be over but I think it’s important to have something to look forward to as a reminder that this will NOT last forever. It might feel like it but no, no, this will not last forever. Fridays will feel like Friday again. Weekends will feel fun—and too short—again.
Lead - Intentionally think about how you can be a hero to yourself and others. If you are able to, think of how you can help others during this difficult time. Whether or not you realize this, someone is likely looking up to you right now. How are you reacting to this situation? How can you be of service to others? How can you keep calm (to the best of your ability) and reassure yourself and others through this trying time? This is an opportunity to be stronger than you realized you could be, to reach for joy more than you thought possible. This is as simple as being kind to others at the grocery store or as generous as buying a stranger a pizza (I saw a “Quarantine Connection” act of kindness on instagram under the hashtag #SendAStrangerAPizza started by the.holistic.psychologist ). If anything, be your own hero. Use this time to be calm, courageous, and creative. How would the best version of you handle this? It might not be your best, best. But do your best with what you have, right now.
Practice Daily Gratitude - Everyday, write down 10 reasons you feel grateful. You can keep these daily lists as notes on your phone, log them in a journal, or make them part of your conversations with loved ones. This daily practice can include big things, or little things. My list for today reads as follows: Today, I thank God for:
Working alongside my fiancé during the day
Finishing “BoJack Horseman”
Cute pictures of Tiny that my mom sent
The “East” and “West” coasters I bought for our table
Starting “The Obstacle Is the Way” Audible Book by Ryan Holiday (great timing!)
This comfy pair of grey joggers (I love high-waisted jeans but joggers are a game-changer!)
Hot Cheetos to snack on! :)
Donald’s “Today’s Nonsense” text messages
My inspiring writing group—grateful for their time and energy
Enjoying a slow cup of coffee this morning
Reach out for support! - Yes, you might be alone but you aren’t alone, alone. Let someone know if you feel really down or overwhelmed. Communicate your needs with your loved ones or with someone who can help. Need groceries? Need help paying for essentials? Need someone to talk to about all this? Reach out to someone you know and trust to let them know what’s going on. It’s okay to ask for help or virtual-company (especially right now)!
Con mucho cariño,
Jenesis