I set boundaries.
I am learning the power of letting go and saying, “no”. This doesn’t mean I don’t say “no”, it means that when I say “no”, I feel like I dropkicked the person hoping for a “yes”.
—Usual scenario—
Person: Hey, Jen—would you mind doing X,Y, & Z?
Me: Wow, thanks for asking me, but I’m literally still working on A-W, so I’m gonna have to say “no."
Person: Okay.
Me: I’m SO sorry! I feel awful!
Person: It’s literally fine.
Me: Are you sure?
Person: Yea, it’s fine!
Me: Okay. *smiles, feels it is certainly NOT fine* lol
——
If you don’t have this problem—fantastic! If you do, don’t worry! It gets easier. I’m getting better at acknowledging my “no”s as less of an offense to others and as more of a sign of self-love and care.
My time, space, and energy are valuable. Year after year in this PhD program, I do my best to ensure that my time is used effectively and in ways that make me happy. I carve out time to read, write, and rest. I give myself permission to do what I want when I want. This goes hand-in-hand with saying no to anything I don’t want to do or don’t have the bandwidth to do well.
You will likely be asked to assist with or lead something while in graduate school. Decide what is worthwhile to you. Do not take on more than you should handle. Can you do all the things? Probably. But should you? Really ask yourself what is worth your time. Avoid the risk of burning out.
It is okay to be selfish with your time. A simple “no” should suffice. If a “no” isn’t respected, do you really think your presence and energy will be valued? Were you asked to be part of a panel that you don’t want to be in? Or lead an initiative that you can’t commit to fully? Say no. Are you dreading the company of peers so engrossed in a cut-throat academic mentality that all they do is belittle others’ work or solely boast about their own accolades? Keep yourself at a distance. Do you feel the need to spend time with someone whose energy is not aligned with yours? Asked to take on more work with no additional compensation? Swerve. All. the. way. to. the. left!
Leave the room, delete that e-mail, and for the love of you, listen to your gut.
Spend time with people who challenge you to be better, celebrate life, care about the world, and make you smile. Make time for your reading, your research, and your writing.
Today, I challenge you to say “no” at least once. Dropkick your instinct to say “yes” when you’d rather do anything else.
Con cariño,
Jenesis